Throughout my entire life I was raised in a single parent household. Having one parent in the house made things seem way different than what I saw others go through. My mom pushed me way harder than my peer’s parents because she always wanted the best for me. In the mist of her motivation it started to feel dark, more so like my personal feelings and thoughts had no value. It was always my priority to go to school and make good grades and that’s pretty much it. When work got too hard or even when I wanted to give up there was nobody there to listen. Making good grades was nothing to my family from me, they knew I was capable of bringing home the best grades year-round. I didn’t feel heard, I felt like my life was put on mute at one point. I remember days that I would cry myself to sleep or fake sick so I didn’t even have to go to school. Middle School was more of an ease for me because at that point I started to become active in school, I joined the dance team and SGA. Outside of school work I had something to do, all the time I spent doing school work in the past turned into something I enjoyed doing which brought a huge relief of stress off of me. Middle School was actually my best times of grade school, dancing at football/basketball games, having good times with my dance sisters, planning events around school was so much fun. My 8thgrade graduation was so sad because all of my friends and I were all going to different high schools and all of our good times were then just memories. For about a few months we all kept in touch until we all decided to get new friends and actually forget about each other. Before I even got into high school I was scared, people would tell me these horrible stories like how my grades was going to drop, the drama, and annoying teachers. My 9thgrade year was actually my best years of high school even though my most concern was my grades maintaining in a good place. By the time I got into the 10thgrade I was turning 16 and it was when I got my first job. At this point it was either dance or work, that when I gave up my dancing “career” to take a little stress off of my mom. Working was nice AT FIRST. Trying to balance school and work was actually one of the hardest challenges I had to face. My grades began to drop and I started to focus on making money more than what was actually important like my grades. As a parent who wanted the best for her child my mom cared nothing about why I was failing but on what I needed to do to fix the issue which was quit my job or lessen my hours of work a week. Again at this point it felt like nobody cared to hear my thoughts or feelings.
The time I actually felt heard was the day I actually graduated high school. For 4 years of high school which felt like 20 I bickered about being ready to graduate and how hard school was for me. By the time my senior year had come that was when I finally started to feel heard. My family saw so much potential in me that even when I cried their only words were “You can do it” rather than trying to comfort me. Even though they were right, I could do it, it felt as if my feelings were being pushed to the side. As far as being heard I was put on mute. The day of my graduation was the day everyone started to consider my feelings, well that’s what I thought. I was so glad that it was finally over. When I actually look back and as I write about my past, I began to realize that everything I endured has help shape me into the person I am today. I began to realize that complications come from every direction of life and it seem like every day of my life I faces many changes. As I began my journey in college, I have taken everything I have endured in life and use it as motivation. I am thankful for my mom and her motivation because it has allowed me to always aim for the best things in life.
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